Tonight I was in a bit of a funk and announced that I was going to look for something funny on TV to cheer up. Millie asked me if I had actually watched the cable since I moved in seven months ago.
I must pause here to say that our “cable” allows us to watch about 11 channels. We feel blessed to get TBS. The set itself is 19 inches and has a concave screen. According to the “entertainment center” in our apartment, it’s 1989.
I told Millie that I liked to catch the occasional Seinfeld rerun while eating my dinner.
“I don’t think I’ve watched it in months,” she told me.
“Really? What about that episode of 60 Minutes we watched a couple of weeks ago?” I reminded her.
“Oh yeah. Right,” she said dryly. ”That episode of 60 Minutes cost us sixty dollars.”
“I see your point. But it was pretty good. Remember? I think it was the one about the deaf kids with perfect pitch.”
It’s slightly pathetic but Millie and I are a like little old ladies this way. We read novels assigned in college English and surround ourselves with the pages of the New York Times. In fact at times I get a little overwhelmed but the amount of reading material in our little apartment. When I read magazines, my OCD whispers sweet nothings in my ear, “You must read the whole thing my lovely. Even the advertisements. Even the trademarks at the bottom of the advertisements.” This is disturbing on its own. It’s downright deranged when you consider that I work in print publishing.
So tonight I dusted off the remote (this is meant figuratively; there is no dust in our apartment) in anticipation of the great unknown. You see, I’ve read that TV is quite creative and clever these days. Of course there’s all that reality crap, but I also hear there are supposed to be some funny plotlines and memorable characters. Unfortunately all I found was Dancing with Stars and commercials. Lots of commercials, including one really funny one for the USPS where a plastic reindeer talks to a cardboard box. But that’s as good as it gets on our 11 channels.
Word on the street is there are some contraptions that allow you to record TV shows, watch them later and fast forward through the commercials. It should not surprise anyone to learn that we do not own this device. If we did however, I think I would use it to record the Ellen DeGeneres Show. I just love that little dance she does–in a completely platonic way.
Still, Millie and I can’t bring ourselves to cancel the “cable”. What will we do if there is a disaster and we need to stay informed? Listen to the radio on her yellow Sony boom box circa 1992? Send carrier pigeons? Besides, we might want to watch 60 Minutes again in a couple of weeks.
